i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
