Sober January is a disaster.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
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No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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