Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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