some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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