all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
