you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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