so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
