Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize