It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
