So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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