Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
