well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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