One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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