god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
