i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
