Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
