hell yes lets make some ravioli
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
