hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
