I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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