Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
