Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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