We're facebook friends in real life
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
