why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ugly people sure do ruin things
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
