Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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