So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
