i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
