Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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