Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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