4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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