Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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