oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
