I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is wine microwaveable?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
