mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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