I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
