I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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