ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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