You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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