I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
