I love black thongs
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
