belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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