Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
