it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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