We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
