we have officially lost it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
