If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
