standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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