I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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