so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize