i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
