I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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