Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
