Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
