I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
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She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
foreskin is a definite game changer
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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