Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
