I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
