tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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