my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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