thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
