I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
