Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i now understand why vodka
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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