i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Fuck appropriateness.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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