Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
