Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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