"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
