remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
