when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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