I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
