So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
