That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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