I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
