Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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