she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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