Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
