This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
