Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
