I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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