please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
