when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
